For those of you who have been out of the universe for the past week, Sharknado premiered in all of its glory last night. I don’t know the exact numbers, but I’m guessing about 3 billion people watched this movie last night. If you happen to be of the group that didn’t see the movie, Holly Anderson over at Grantland did a hilarious recap, as did Danger Guerrero of Uproxx.
Here’s a thought that came into my mind while thinking about this movie: Why aren’t more networks making movies like Sharknado? Look, no one who sat down to watch Sharknado was expecting Oscar-worthy performances. This is ‘Merica we’re talking about and in ‘Merica we don’t need Oscar-worthy performances (or plots and scientific facts for that matter) to be in the movies we watch on Thursday night.
In fact, I can’t tell you one show on television right now that I’d rather watched over Sharknado last night. Seriously, try to name one.
Breaking Bad? Nope
Mad Men? Dear God people. Not even close.
Justified or Game of Thrones? Get in line behind the epicness that is Sharknado.
In fact, I can’t think of anything that I’d rather be doing right now than getting more Sharknado into my eyeballs. I seriously considered skipping work just to pull a 24-hour Sharknado marathon.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way.
No matter how terrible the movie was or how awful Tara Reid looked in HD, not a single person who sat down to watch that movie didn’t finish it. We knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this ride and nothing was going to stop us.
So, why don’t the major networks like ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX adapt this type of mentality? Now I’m not asking for a Sharknado every week (although that would be awesome), but why can’t ABC throw out a ridiculous movie once a month for our viewing pleasure?
You know what might happen if they did that? I might watch the show before the movie just to make sure I don’t miss a second of their offering. I might also keep the TV on after the movie just in case there is an extra hidden ending (how awesome would it be if five minutes into How I Met Your Mother a gigantic, mutant Armadillo crashed through the screen and destroyed everything in sight?).
I can guarantee that viewership would be up all over the place if a major network put on Armadazillo or Beavalanche (I’ll sell these titles to any network for a cheap price). Also, could you imagine the awesomeness that ABC or NBC would be able to create with their gigantic budgets? We’re talking about mind-blowing special effects, top-notch writing and getting people with serious acting skills (maybe the last two items aren’t overly important because all we care about is chainsaws through freakin’ sharks).
Furthermore, if SyFy is capable of racking in 3 billion viewers, how many could FOX or CBS expect to get?
This needs to happen people. I want to be sitting down on a weeknight and watching Catterpyclone by the end of the year on ABC.